Question: Definition of an upgrade?
Answer: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.

Question: How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?
Answer: Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."

Question: What do computers eat when they get hungry?
Answer: Chips.

Question: How is the new iMac like a woman?
Answer: Neither one will take a 3 1/2 inch floppy and they both like a big hard drive.

Question: Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis?
Answer: Because it is below C level.

Question: What's the difference between Windows 95 and a virus?
Answer: A virus does something.

Question: Why is sex like software?
Answer: For everyone who pays for it, there are hundreds getting it for free.