Happiness

I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late

Hell

There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her.
They got married, and now he is going through hell.

Faults

If it wasn't for marriage, many men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

Black and White

Kid: Mommy, When people get married why does the woman wear white?

Mom: Because it's the happiest day of her life
Kid: Then why does the man wear black?

Remote Control

TV has no place in love. Marriage is a fight for remote control.

A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free

Tax

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.

Ordering

Getting married is similar to going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that

Don't marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper

Mousetrap

Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out.

Stolen Credit Card

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did

Cost of Marriage

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

Relatives

A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

Understanding

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all

(Y)earning

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.

Eye Opener

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener

Let me in...!

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in.

Shopping

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

Marriage is not a word, it is a sentence - a life sentence.